Think Like A Lawyer…

There’s an old expression, perhaps uttered by Elmer Fudd, that “to catch a rabbit, you have to think like a rabbit” (although Elmer would have pronounced it http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-photography-preparing-test-deconcentrated-student-isolated-white-image32362967“wabbit”). Maybe that applies to other scenarios as well. One might argue that “to become a lawyer, you should think like a lawyer”. That appears to be the approach being taken by one prospective law school applicant, Joan Hoyt, who has a diagnosed learning disability, and has therefore filed suit against Law School Admission Council (LSAC), the entity that administers the Law School Admission Test (LSAT), requesting several personal accommodations to make the testing fair to her, including extra time for the exam, a distraction-reduced environment, the use of a “white noise” machine and computer, and to be allowed food and drink during the test.

Surprisingly, Ms. Hoyt is not the first person to raise such issues over LSAT testing. A Texas man sued to be allowed extra time in 2009 to accommodate his ADHD diagnosis, and a New York woman also sought extra testing time in her 2011 suit based upon a disability causing her to read and write more slowly as a result of the removal of a brain lesion a few years earlier. At least two or three other suits along those lines have also been pursued within the past decade, seeking accommodations during the LSAT for what might be described as “non-physical” disabilities.

Lawyers themselves, over the years, have contributed greatly in the fight to allow people with disabilities and other needs to participate in events, activities, careers and opportunities that might have otherwise been closed to them. However, while few would argue that anyone should be prevented from pursuing their goals based on their race, religion, gender, ethnicity, etc., or that there is anything unfair about providing physical assistance to those who are blind, paraplegic, etc., one has to wonder where the line should be drawn over these “accommodations”. What is the next type of problem that warrants some special circumstance, equipment or adjustment in the test environment? In this case, should Ms. Hoyt be allowed extra time and a “white noise” machine because she has, as she claims, a generalized anxiety disorder and learning disability? And if so, will she be afforded those accommodations some day in trial, arbitrations, or contract negotiations if she is admitted to law school and ultimately pursues a career in law? In fact, it seems apparent to me that a certain amount of anxiety goes hand-in-hand with the practice of law on a daily basis. I would personally feel better and perform more successfully if I could listen to my iPod during trial to soothe me with relaxing New Age music through painful testimony and to pump me up Rocky-style before a vigorous cross-examination. However, I don’t expect my personal wish-list of accommodations to be available any time soon.

While I am completely sympathetic to Ms. Hoyt’s personal predicament, as well as those of the previous Texas and New York LSAT applicants, and hope they find a vocation that allows them great success, I suggest that perhaps a line of work other than something as stressful as the practice of law may be more suitable for them. Then again, I suspect many clients already wonder if it isn’t a job prerequisite for a lawyer to have a certain amount of brain damage, attention-deficit or anxiety disorder as it is. Perhaps Ms. Hoyt is on the right track after all.

Anheuser-Busch Faces Class Action Suit Over Allegedly Watered Down Beer

There are no limits to the imagination of “class action” attorneys who want to find an issue to raise on behalf of those little people allegedly victimized by the conduct of the big corporate defendant. As most people know, the class plaintiffs in any such suit generally each get a few bucks, or a coupon for 50% off future purchases of the product in issue, while the attorneys reel in millions of dollars in fees for representing the class. I don’t begrudge the attorneys their contingent fee — if you take the risk of litigation you should reap the reward — but class action cases just seem so inequitable because instead of an individual plaintiff receiving the bulk of any settlement or verdict, millions of “plaintiffs” really get nothing. The more troubling part are the trivial things they come up with over which to file suit. The whole idea behind bringing a class action suit over some minor issue is that it is fiscally more reasonable for the defendant to settle the claim than to litigate it. I only wish more of them really went to trial, where the proof of some actual damage is required. The latest ingenious claim is that Anheuser-Busch has “watered down” their beer. To their credit, A-B is fighting back with an advertising campaign mocking the idea that they water down their product. But what I’d really like to see is the actual trial on these claims. How do the plaintiffs march into court and assert that they were damaged by getting LESS alcohol? Are they going to claim that in order to get good and wasted they had to buy 12 beers instead of 11? That when they got pulled over for drunk driving they only blew a .07 instead of the legally required .08 to get that DUI ticket because A-B was cheating them out of alcohol? And if it is really watered down, they likely got a few less calories than expected. Are they going to assert that their beer gut just doesn’t measure up to their buddies?http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photography-pouring-beer-image5000172

We all understand the concept that we expect to get what we paid for. If you expected your beer to be 5% alcohol and for some reason it was only 4.9%, then the seller didn’t meet their end of the bargain. No doubt about it. And I guess this is what the plaintiff lawyers here are really trying to say. But seriously, is this the kind of thing that should be tying up our legal system? This is the kind of suit that really does give lawyers a bad name. I’m upset. Think I’ll go have a beer…or maybe two.